What’s on my mind?

Zero to Hero wants to know.  Or wants me to know.  Or you.  So, here:  

Today’s assignment: write the post that was on your mind when you decided to start a blog.

  • There was none.  I already write daily and it’s private, personal writing. Although most of it is journal/stream of consciousness writing, I sometimes write using the type of frameworks one learns to communicate with others and be understood.  And so, because some of my writing might be understood by others, I wondered what would I happen if I shared it.  I have dear friend that blogs and she seems to do that with a mixture of fearlessness and conscientious editorship and so I wondered how I’d do writing regularly on a public blog. So this is me following through with this idea and currently driven by the Zero to Hero prompts.

If I were to share some “Big Idea” with the world, well, what would I say? Here’s a partial list:

  • I am curious as to whether “I can write” publicly. I know I can write but there is a particular, seemingly bigger “I can write” that applies to being liked and read and followed (I think I’d find these words appropriate even if they didn’t apply to some of the buttons one can press when reading a blog).
  • I struggle with the intensity of feelings I have regarding: sometimes feeling violently lonely and sometimes fiercely wanting to be left alone. I wonder if writing publicly can shed some light on that.
  • I want to be found amazing.  Sometimes when my internal critic is distracted I find myself amazing.  But I wonder if I can be found amazing by strangers who don’t already love me.  And why should I care?  I am not sure.  Maybe I don’t care but I’m so for sure curious about it.
  • Can this medium help me find others to connect and admire and love and want to make waffles for? Or whatever they like to eat… Can writing publicly and reading others’ blogs help me find someone who I can say I LIKE YOU SO MUCH I WANNA MEET YOU AND BE YOUR FRIEND to?  Without seeming like a creep, though…
  • Would you ask me some questions? Anything that might help me learn more about myself.  Or is there anything you want to say?  About you. That might help me learn more about you.
  • I don’t know why people are sometimes so crappy to each other, so dismissive. I think it’s because it’s easier to live with the door closed than to live with it open. I hate it. I hope I can catch the times when I’m being crappy and dismissive too.
  • Why in the hell can’t people appreciate what they have? Why is it so hard? That against: What is it that happens that allows us to heat up and boil in life situations and relationships that makes us unhappy yet we stay there, forever and ever and soul-crushing, hope-numbing ever?
  • Would it be entirely humiliating and crazy ridiculous and the-opposite-of-your-goal-is-what’s-gonna-happen if I made a blog to find the super-duper-amazing bestly-matched and rightly-so and non-stifling-at-all capital-L Love of my life? Would the fact that I do this be the final preventing factor to us finding each other?  Might there really somebody out there for everybody?

All right… feeling kind of yucky right now. So I’m gonna go ahead and press “post”. Ugh.

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Try this: try being an asshole.

Try this: try being an asshole. And characterize yourself. What will assholes like you do? What will they think?

An asshole like me will see a tiny fruit fly dash between my face and my book and will be moved that there is life other than me in my kitchen.

An asshole like me will long-time-dip panettone in eggs, cream, and orange liqueur (cause I’m out of bourbon) to fry it up in butter during a morning snow storm for eating while reading American Gods. And will classify this as a top lush morning.

An asshole like me imagines that you are out there and that you will be that one, this one, The one. And that you’ll love and cherish me and you and us and that we’ll find each other finally and soon without suffocating each other or sacrificing anything about who it is that we can individually be. But on the contrary boost, supersize, level up.

An asshole like me thinks it’s probably too late.

An asshole like me will drive mice out of a house (not even my house, some other asshole’s house) for a couple of miles so they can have a chance somewhere else in some wildernessy park. Yes drive them in a car. In a container with a lid. Shut up about turning them into prey.

An asshole like me will want you to hang out with me for a little bit. Assholes like me don’t know contemporary music and discover things late. This is where assholes like me are at. In love at:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vs6Yw5mU0PY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=df37unclIKs
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o2PhGbG-WbA

Your turn.  

And please, oh pretty please, share. 

Zero to Hero

DAY 1: INTRODUCE YOURSELF

This is my second day writing here.  My third post.  My first for ZtH.  The nice folks over at dailypost.wordpress.com will be posting blog writing prompts for participants to address. Being new to this, it sounded like a good idea.  So I’ll try it.  I think it might help me figure some things out.  Here it goes:

Today’s assignment: write and publish a “who I am and why I’m here” post.

What are you about?  I’m about thoughts and feelings and want and question. And experience and story.  And brunch.

Why should they read your  blog?  I don’t know.  I don’t know if they should read it.  I just want to know if anybody wants to.  I want to know if there are others out there that I can connect with or that can connect with me (funny how that seems like it should go both ways but it doesn’t necessarily).

Why are you blogging, rather than keeping a personal journal?  I am doing both. I just want to see if being “public” changes anything.

What topics do you think you’ll write about?  thoughts, daily life, things I wish for or want to share

Who would you love to connect with via your blog? I’d like to meet the love of my life.  And make some friends.  And feel some sort of community and kinship with others.

If you blog successfully throughout 2014, what would you hope to have accomplished? I hope I will have learned more about what happens when I express myself through this medium.  I hope that I will have connected with others and found out more stuff about myself.  I hope that this will not feel as daunting as it feels now.