Light switch

Yesterday a dear, close friend called.  She was asking for some words from me, at least for my voice, she said, because some sad things were happening to friends of hers and she was very upset. She said she only had three minutes or so but that she called because she associated me with having a positive outlook on things. We talked, quickly. I don’t remember specifically what I said but before hanging up she thanked me, saying that she felt better and that she had known I was somebody she could call even if she didn’t specifically know what to ask for. I hung up concerned for her but happy I had been able to do anything for her… and surprised and flattered about the way she thought about me.

The other day I read a post (sadly I don’t remember who’s) that talked about the stories we believe about ourselves and the outcome of believing them. The post explained how somebody was told a “story” by a doctor about how there was something “wrong” with them and how the person, because of this diagnosis, began to act accordingly for a long time, using their newly acquired story as their reason for acting the way they were acting. But the story changed when some time after that, another doctor found that the contrary was true and the person was able to, to their surprise, stop acting the way the previous story had suggested they act.

Today I met with a friend who told me that all day yesterday he was feeling a certain type of pressure, specifically on his left shoulder. He explained it as a sort of pain and strange feeling of a heavy weight being there, a sort of extra gravity. He struggled with it all day and at some point felt like it was a sort of “presence” there that he didn’t want, a sort of darkness, he said. He surprised himself by turning his head toward his left shoulder and seriously saying, “Leave!”. And suddenly it was gone. He says he even felt the direction it disappeared to, he felt this energy sort of sucking itself into nothingness and away from him.

I have experience drawing black clouds into my life. At first I don’t know that that’s what they are and I find them and they tug at my heart strings. They make my empathy swell and eventually draw my every energy toward them. I tend to think I can help and give them everything I can, sometimes ending up depleted. It takes a while before I notice how their rain, thunder, and lighting strikes affect me. No matter what I do there is no umbrella or rain coat or lightning resistant gear that prevents me from getting sopping wet and electrocuted. The only mode of defense is to walk away, gently and definitely, trusting that the cloud can take care of itself if it ever decides to.

There is a switch, a switch of light that we have. We HAVE it. We EACH have it. One way it goes light and one way it goes dark. And sometimes it gets accidentally switched one way or another. Sometimes it even gets stuck. If we can remember that it is, in fact, there and that it is WE who ultimately manage it, we can switch it. We are the guardians and main operators of each of our switches. Find what will bring you solace. It CAN be your doing to switch on the light.


Zero to Hero


This is my second day writing here.  My third post.  My first for ZtH.  The nice folks over at will be posting blog writing prompts for participants to address. Being new to this, it sounded like a good idea.  So I’ll try it.  I think it might help me figure some things out.  Here it goes:

Today’s assignment: write and publish a “who I am and why I’m here” post.

What are you about?  I’m about thoughts and feelings and want and question. And experience and story.  And brunch.

Why should they read your  blog?  I don’t know.  I don’t know if they should read it.  I just want to know if anybody wants to.  I want to know if there are others out there that I can connect with or that can connect with me (funny how that seems like it should go both ways but it doesn’t necessarily).

Why are you blogging, rather than keeping a personal journal?  I am doing both. I just want to see if being “public” changes anything.

What topics do you think you’ll write about?  thoughts, daily life, things I wish for or want to share

Who would you love to connect with via your blog? I’d like to meet the love of my life.  And make some friends.  And feel some sort of community and kinship with others.

If you blog successfully throughout 2014, what would you hope to have accomplished? I hope I will have learned more about what happens when I express myself through this medium.  I hope that I will have connected with others and found out more stuff about myself.  I hope that this will not feel as daunting as it feels now.