Did you know tomorrow is El Día de Reyes? It’s celebrated where I’m from. But not here where I live, which feels really crappy. So I’m taking the day off even though I don’t have anybody to celebrate it with. I’ll take it off in the name of my family and who I grew up being.

When I was a kid my dad or my mom would get us to look for some grass or greenery outside and put it in a shoe box under the bed on the night of the 5th of January. The idea was that when the Three Magician Kings (Los Tres Reyes Magos) came by your house on the way to visit baby Jesus they’d stop at your place if you had some hay-ish stuff for the camels to snack on.  In appreciation, the’d leave you presents right under the bed! It was very exciting to go get the stuff outside and then tuck the box under the bed and then try to stay awake to see them.  And then you’d fall asleep.  The camels were usually pretty messy and though they’d eat most of what you left them the floor would be a bit of a grassy mess when you woke up.  It was exciting to think about how three camels with three kings could fit all at once in your room and all of it while you were sleeping!  I hope one day I am able to share this lovely and exiting custom with a family of my own.

¡Feliz Día de Reyes amigos de todo el mundo!

A kiss, a kiss, my kingdom for a kiss


Sometimes, other than the voice I am talking to, there is noise on the other side.  Sometimes laughter, sometimes yelling. The voice I’m talking to says, “gimme a minute” and I hear a muffled something said to someone else.  To someone.  Else.  And then the voice keeps talking to me.  And eventually we hang up.  And the silence, afterwards, the silence on this side, is just so loud.  Debasing.  And just so fucking stupid.  And lumps my throat.  Humiliating and oh so certainly unplanned.  Because this is not the way things were supposed to go.  There was supposed to be ruckus here too.  A phone call like this was supposed to be an interruption to interactions perpetually going on over here too.  Of family and love and crazy and busy and often and always and everyday and all.  But it’s silent over here.  It’s silent again.  Still.

A kiss

A kiss, a kiss, my kingdom for a kiss.  Is this why we would do it?  Is that kiss what’s gonna bail you, me, out of this mire?  Or is it something else.  It must be something else.  And I think and imagine how, if I were ever kissed, and it was real and solid and good, everything could fall away and be second to that kiss.


Lush to need nobody.  Want, sure, but not need.  Wouldn’t have it any other way.


There is a switch that can take things to bad.  The switch can take things to good too.  And in the middle, to despondent.  Easily, one way or another.  Depending on how the day was, who we talked to, what we saw, remembered, tried, thought.  A switch.