Something spectacular, something lovely

To have something spectacular.  Shouldn’t we all be able to have something spectacular?  I think so.  Or at least something lovely. We should be able to have something lovely.  

There have been several times in my life in which everything was just…  okay.  Or just tolerable. Or just plain awful. And I’d forget that I had options, that I was making choices about where I was at that moment.  Or choices about the way I looked at things.  And it didn’t occur to me to think that I had any power to find any enjoyment or to make anything be lovely, much less spectacular.  Maybe I could have taken a little time here or there to do something nice for myself.  I could have made sure I reached out to a good friend or took time to read or eat something wonderful.  I could have made it a point to take walks somewhere lovely or to just sit… and appreciate that I can listen to my breathing, can enjoy taking deep, long breaths, can hear the blood pumping through my body when the room is quiet enough.  It worries me how much time we can remain in deep discomfort, how many excuses and justifications we find to explain why we remain in the bad place we’re in.  And it worries me how hard it can be to see that we can do something to change things.  Maybe it’s easier to blame external forces because it enables us to keep our hands down and our how-to-save-myself creativity inactive. It takes the blame off of us, the responsibility.  But we have options. I think we do.  Don’t we?  Nobody doesn’t have options.

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