Not so sure

Not so sure this thing is for me, this blogging thing, and I’m only 11 days in. Maybe what’s not for me is writing every day. It’s what I was trying to do starting on the 1st of the year. And then the zerotohero challenge was mentioned by a friend and I thought that was kind of a neat idea but the prompts ended up being something other than what I hoped. I wanted it to suggest interesting things to post daily but there’s other challenges for that. And looking at those, I really need to dig around to find something I feel motivated to respond to. Most aren’t what I’d like to be trying so I’ve kept posting things I myself want to post although I’ve felt several times like I’m pushing it and forcing it out, making me a bit embarrassed to press “post” but feeling like “this is the only time today I’ll have to do this” and I wanna see what it’s like to do all days in a month. I’m being kind of all-or-nothing but I’m mostly able to do this about posting every day, not about posting only what I think is “worth” the post because then I’m afraid I’d probably hardly ever post. I don’t know. I guess zerotohero is kind of like a mini course on expectations for bloggers (do this, click this, widget this, stand out, fidget to find the best look, etc). It’s educational but not especially motivating for amateur me. I HAVE enjoyed posting some things and have been so interested to learn who is interested in them. I am FLATTERED and FLOORED whenever somebody “likes” a post… but I feel like what I’m asking of myself in this thing is to be some sort of “life of the party” or “truth holding guru” every time I post. Which, sure, it’s more about a ridiculous expectation I have on myself: to do everything I can to be “worth your time” so that you will stay. But I can’t design that even in my regular life and if I could I wouldn’t understand the point of it anyway since those who stay, stay. And it’s because they are sold on who I am when regular life is going on, not just when I’m at my best. And there’s nothing more awful than having someone stay because you’ve been morphing yourself into who they want you to be cause then you’re stuck doing that and as soon as you stop, and one day you will have to, they will leave. So why do it here, be the life of the party, in this format? To an audience of who knows who? I don’t even know who my intended audience is or who I want them to be. I feel like I sound ungrateful (sorry browsers, readers, likers, followers, and commenters) but it’s not what I mean. I’m just not getting this and I’m feeling like publicly writing about it (mostly because that will fill in today and maybe because my insecurity feels like making excuses for the lack of quality of some of my blog’s content). The latest suggestions from zerotohero are “make your About page irresistible” and “follow 5 more blogs and or topics”. Well… why irresistible? I’m not irresistible. I’ve defaulted to what I tend to do which is more sort of honest and straight forward. If that’s not enough then that’s what’s gonna be there anyway. Follow 5 more blogs and or topics? Hmmm… I am following a few and look forward to one day being able to go more deeply into others that I will want to follow but I’m a bit overwhelmed already by the amount of time it takes to post something. Because I want it to be understood by many, no? And I want to be generous in what I give and really give something I’d like to get, something that will be “worth something”. And I want readers to finish reading, no? And I want readers to read me again, no? I guess. All that takes SO much time and I’m already so very busy with job and home and just my brain and my spirits and trying to get done all that needs to get done. Ugh… I don’t know. There’s also a part of me that worries that every hour I spend in front of this machine is one hour I don’t spend walking outside where the humans are or pursuing things that will amount to accomplishments that are more than the “I tried that” checkmark. Hmm…I think I’ll finish off the month with 31 consecutive days and then begin to post just whenever if at all.

To finish off, if you’ve read this far, I guess I just want to say:

Sorry for when you feel it’s a waste of time to read what I’ve posted.
And
I am so magnanimously glad when I can post something that gives anything to you.

I hope you enjoy your weekend and are able to get what you want from it.

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8 thoughts on “Not so sure

  1. In Zero to Hero, we purposely designed it so that you *don’t* publish every day, because that can be an easy way to burn out, fast. Things like visiting and commenting other blogs contribute just as much to the blogging community as writing posts, and can be just as inspiring.

    Don’t put so much pressure on yourself! When when you want to write — if you force yourself, it will feel forced, and readers will see that. This blog is *your* space, so you get to define when when and why.

    • Hi! You are one FAST reader to have responded so quickly! Thanks for reading and for your reply. The every day thing was something I imposed on myself. I was feeling it would guarantee my participation… ZtH was a sort of bonus. Thanks for your hard work motivating bloggers. I hope to find out more about how and if I can be in this medium in a way that helps me grow and fits well with whatever is going on with me. Thanks for the advice (:

  2. I hope you do finish and continue to blog in your own time and whenever the moment takes you. You’re right, it is time consuming, but I think you will find it gets easier the more you post. Just one photo, one line, or one thought are just as creative as a two page thesis on the meaning of life. Bravo on todays post and I look forward to reading more. Best wishes.

    • Thank you for reading and for your wishes. And I am honored and blushing from your “bravo”. Thank you for your thoughtful advice. I think the answer really is to do this “whenever the moment takes you” as I have found that, yes, a few of the posts were SO exciting to write. I might also try to stick to my pushy idea of every-day-of-this-month and see what happens… Best wishes to you too!

  3. In 2011, I signed up for another challenge they had: Post-a-Day … one blog post each day of 2011. They had a similar kind of forum then too. Everyone was so enthusiastic in the beginning. I subscribed to other bloggers, right and left, and posted every day. It quickly started feeling like a chore. Most of all the reading! Eventually I stopped going into the Reader, before I realised I had to do something about it.

    I did complete that year (!), and it’s a lot of fun to look back in that blog now … I must say that. But these days, before subscribing to someone, I read a lot first, to make sure we can connect.

    Never again will I sign up for any kind of post-every-day thing, or photo-a-day. I felt it took the fun out of personal/social blogging.

    • Thanks for reading and for telling me what your experience has been. It makes total sense. And it’s motivating that you’re still participating in this environment but on your own terms. Hats off for doing a whole year! And thanks again for your insight (:

  4. I’m going to echo some of the other comments: try to be more positive about yourself. Everyone who thinks about things has something interesting to say, trust that there’s somebody out there who will be positively provoked by your output.

    It’s interesting to challenge and push yourself to write and publish every day, but as you have noted it’s very hard work! Perhaps at the end of the month you should step back, look at the bigger picture, and try to find something manageable. I set up my blog with the intention of publishing twice per week, and I’ve almost always hit that. In terms of inspiration, it can be anything for me: a conversation I have in person with a friend or family member; a TV advert; something I read about in a magazine; a seemingly-innane tweet; something I’ve experienced during my day. Not all of your posts will generate lots of comments or likes, but you can be proud of the ones which do.

    I put my philosophy and methods in writing the other day – you may or may not wish to check them out, and if you do, you can read that post here: http://kickingon.wordpress.com/2014/01/04/zero-to-hero-day-3-whats-on-your-mind/

    I hope you’re feeling a little more encouraged than you were when you wrote this: writing gets better and easier with practice, it’s a habit, but I don’t like to force it out of myself either. Some of my best posts have been written when I’ve leapt out of the shower in a fit of inspiration and dashed off 1,000 words in 20 minutes. You can do it :)

    • Thanks for reading and for your feedback. I guess I didn’t think of my post as being negative about myself but I can see how it would seem that way. Thinking about it yesterday I thought it was funny how I sort of predicted what this could be like for me by titling my blog “It’s easier not to do it”. And then making my tagline “So I’ll do it” sort of was an additional insurance that I would, in fact do this at least for the whole month. I think yesterday’s post was a sort of discomfort post, a sort of “Ow! This is uncomfortable!” type of thing. And today it feels like I wrote it years ago (I even, just now, had to check the date because I felt like I must have at least skipped ONE day of writing because it felt like so long ago…) I was really surprised to get responses directly addressing it and feel like I’m getting to see how this “community” thing might work. The responses were thoughtful and encouraging and also made me look at my method for doing what I was doing so they were also very practical. I do believe it will get better. Or at least I’ll figure out what to do if it doesn’t. Thanks again for your thoughtful comment and for the link, I will definitely have a look (every bit helps)! My best to you (:

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